101 Ways to Annoy Voldemort
by WingedGuardian137
Summary: One-Shot: My OC is the perfect torture device in Voldie's household. (WARNING: Characters may be OOC)


Author's Note: This is just a little story I thought up just now. It may be a little far-fetched, but I still hope you like it!

**101 Ways to Annoy, Harass, Confuse, or Generally Scare Lord Voldemort**

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**6:00 in the Evening...**

"DEVVY!" Voldemort roared. "COME HERE! NOW!!!!"

A brown-haired, brown-eyed sixteen-year-old swaggered down the hall toward the tall, evil guy.

"Hey, Tommy-boy!" she said cheerfully. "'Sup, dude?"

"You drew...on...my face," he said, pointing a finger trembling with rage at his white, snake-like face. There, Harry Potter-like glasses were drawn around his eyes. Devvy put her hands up defensively.

"I didn't do it, I swear!" she said, trying to sound innocent. She grinned. "It was probably Wormtail. You know he has a crush on you..."

"HE DOES NOT!"

"Of course not, oh dark one!" she said mockingly, bowing dramatically. She then skipped down the hall, singing 'Mr. Tambourine Man' loudly and off-key. Voldemort slapped a hand on his face in annoyance.

"That girl is SO lucky Lucius broke my wand last week..." He paused. "Wait a second...that was **_her!"_**

He stormed down the hall after her, muttering furiously.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Death Eater Meeting...**

Devvy stood by the door as the Death Eaters took their seats. She made a fake trumpet sound, and said, "Now entering...VOLDIE-POO!" She opened the door, revealing a very aggravated Voldemort. As he passed her, she slapped his arm.

"What the...?"

"Mosquito."

"Oh."

Voldemort took his seat, Devvy sitting beside him (to his great displeasure). Just as Voldemort opened his mouth to speak, Devvy slapped him again.

"Mosquito," she said simply.

"STOP SLAPPING ME!"

"Sorry...Voldie-poo."

Voldemort growled, gripping the edge of the table tightly.

"Why did we hire her?" one Death Eater whispered to another.

"No idea," the other said, shrugging. "She's great entertainment though. Wait 'till Master sees what she did to our masks..."

Voldemort stood up, getting the Death Eaters' attention. But, yet again, Devvy interrupted.

"Wait! I'd like to make a motion!"

She took out her wand and made herself into a giant chicken. She then started to dance the Funky Chicken.

"SIT DOWN DEVVY!"

Devvy glared at him, turned back into a human, and sat down.

"Now that that is over," Voldemort said irritably. "Does anyone have any information about Potter?"

Silence.

"Does anyone have information about ANYTHING?"

Devvy raised her hand eagerly.

"Not **_you_**, Devvy."

She slumped in her seat and pouted.

A Death Eater timidly raised his hand.

"Er...well...we do have a situation, sir," he said hesitantly.

"What is it?" Voldie asked.

"Well...uh...someone...er...painted our masks," he replied, bringing out his mask, which was painted with hot pink paint and glitter. The other Death Eaters brought their pretty masks, also.

"Devvy..." Voldemort snarled, glaring at her.

"It was Wormtail, I swear!"

Voldemort sat down, not wanting to deal with this right now.

"Alright, alright. Does anyone here have any ideas for the cause?" he asked.

More silence.

CLICK.

CLICK CLICKITY CLICK.

CLICK.

Suddenly, Voldemort realized there was a light bulb floating above his head, clicking on and off.

"DEVVY, OUT! NOW!" he roared.

"But I was just trying to help!"

"NOW!"

"Wait, I just want to do one more thing..."

She quickly conjured a banjo and sat on top of the table, sitting Indian-style. She started singing...

"Kumbaya, my Looooooord...Kumbaya...Kumbaya, my Looooord..."

"OOOUUUUTTT!!!!"

"Okay, okay. I'm out, I'm out," she mumbled, walking to the door. She stopped, however, and said, "I taught him everything he knows" to a Death Eater. She then ran out of the room to avoid anything being thrown at her.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

That night, Devvy played the 'knock and run' game on his bedchamber door until she got tired. Then, she snuck into his room and markered the Potter glasses on his face again.

The next morning, she woke him up singing..."Round, round, get around.....I get around...." and got a pillow in her face.

"My sir, you are particularly menacing today..."

"OUUUUUT!"

"Okie-dokie, Smokie," she said, Disapparating out of the room.

Seconds later, she Apparated back into the room. She kept doing it again and again. POOF there...POOF gone...POOF there...POOF gone...

It went on and on until she got tired and decided to torture Wormtail for a while.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A few hours later, when Voldemort had calmed down slightly after he found the glasses again; Devvy challenged him to a poker game. He lost badly.

"Tommy-boy! You have no poker-face what-so-ever!" she said, mockingly frustrated. "How do you expect to rule supreme without one...?"

Voldie's face grew red.

"You really shouldn't suppress your anger like that," Devvy scolded. "Hey, I know a really good therapist in London, actually..."

Voldemort stormed out of the room, where he was met by all the Death Eaters, singing a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright and Beautiful'.

Walking up to the frozen Voldemort, Devvy said casually, "That Imperious Curse is really handy sometimes!"

**FIN**

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Author's note: If lots and lots of people review, maybe I'll write another chapter, even though this is a one-shot.


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